Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
