wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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