The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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