Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
