so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
