Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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