My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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