Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize