i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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