Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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