Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
