Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
