I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
