wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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