After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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