my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
