you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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