lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
