I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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