he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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