Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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