Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
