Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
