Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
