So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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