Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
