Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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