Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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