Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
