Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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