Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
