she was so not down for the gang bang
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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