This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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