The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
