My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
