I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
