I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
