Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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