She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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