Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize