I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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