I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
