when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize