im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize