ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
