So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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