I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
