If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
