If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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