margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
