i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
