I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
