"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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