Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
