if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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