I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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