she pinky promised me she was 18
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
