whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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