Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
