Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Randomize
