my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
