just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
