so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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