Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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