I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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