I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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