I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
