Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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