make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize