Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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