I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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