i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
