thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
