i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
