We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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