woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize