True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
