I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
