Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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