My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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