He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
