Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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