worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
