I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
