I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
